The Lord of the Wrongs

Situation: It is the land of Mordor. Sauron, the Great, who barely survived the fellowship, is once again preparing his army of Orcs to take over the world of men. This time he decides to go under a disguise and employ guerilla (or gorilla) means to launch his attack on the foundations of the human race - their education system. He needs a captain for his troops, a manager who can lead his army to spread evil and vile all over the world which has seen too much of good. He lands in the job market to find the most equipped and talented ‘manager’. Inspired by the practices of management, Sauron decides to take a case-based interview to choose his able general.

The 2 main contenders are - Gandalf, and The Guru, short for ‘The Management Guru’. Here is how the process goes…

Sauron: Here is the 1^st question: You are the head of the marketing department at a private management institute. You need to find a positioning for your institute. What would you do?

Gandalf: Well, I would ensure that the quality of the education offered is upto speed with what everyone else is offering, and then I would add more value to it and keep the price below or at par with competition, and position it as ‘value-based’ education, comparable to the best in the world.

The Guru: Value-based, my foot!!! It is very simple… we need to hit the weak nerve of these men. There are about dozen excellent institutes in the country and a dozen more good institutes, and only a handful of the hundreds of thousands of people who aspire for them manage to get in. We should target the people who do not get into the excellent institutes and are thinking of which good institute to go into. We should fool them, baffle them with jazzy ads and portray ourselves as even better than even the excellent institutes, but only for those people who have ‘dum’…. for those who dare to think beyond the excellent institutes!!! And of course, since it is a premium offering, we will charge more than anyone else!

Gandalf: But that is a blatant lie… Will people not see through this?? They will not fall for it.

The Guru: Ah you bet they will. After all, we need just a handful of them, and there are over a hundred thousand to fool. Even by the most conservative estimates, we will get them!

Sauron: Hmm… Question 2: How will you publicize this institute?

Gandalf: With all due respects, Lord Sauron, I don’t think advertising for education is a good idea. It is said that when something like education is advertised, it would seem desperate and people will smell something fishy.

The Guru (Scornfully): What do you know?? Since the product that I am planning to offer is far below quality, I would need to make up for it through advertising. We should spend the most on advertising and nothing on faculty, amenities, books, etc. We should portray ourselves as better than the best, and say that we have the best amenities (including a swimming pool) and that we give personal laptops which are a must in our wi-fi networked campus, and say that we have the world’s best faculty. We would get some school drop-outs from Nepal and Bangladesh and call them ‘international’ faculty. I will get a coloured-printout of a graphically designed fancy degree for myself and proclaim myself to be “THE GURU”… (adds grinning) though I have not even graduated at first attempt!!!!

Gandalf (Shocked): But this is a whole lot of lies… what if and when people find out?? What about legal repercussions?

The Guru : What do you think about me, eh? Don’t you think I would have already thought of the legal issues? My office will have a bathtub and a jacuzzi for my personal use, which we will show as our swimming pool. We will give people laptops, but we will double their fees and also earn there, because I have negotiated with Damru from chorbazar who will supply us with the laptops without any hard-disk, memory or applications (we never promised those!). Also, we will apply for a wi-fi and we will say that it will be there soon.

Sauron : That seems like some plan. What else can we do The Great Guru to ensure that the plan is infallible?

The Guru : With your blessings Lord Sauron, we will also create a hep and trendy image of our institute. I will also make a movie (after all, I used to make all those obscene skits in school) and this would add to the dimensions of The Guru and add more hype to our institute.

Sauron : But how do you propose that we protect these secret lies? What if some student turns to be an insider?

The Guru : Ha… that, my lord, is impossible. Because when the men would come to know about the truth, they will feel like fools, and would be too embarrassed and ashamed to go out to the world and publicize their stupidity. We will brainwash them and turn them into Orcs so that we can use them against the enemy

Sauron: I am impressed, The Guru… you are recruited as the captain of the orcs. But what will you do if Aragorn and his army of blog-men raise a battle-cry against us?

The Guru : By the time they come to know about this, we will have trained our army of orcs, who we will unleash on the blogospehere. They will attack the most dangerous and most respected of the blog-men with their abuses and dirty mud-slinging. In any case, the blog-men are too divided and spread out to be able to take a united stance. We will further disintegrate them… we will single out some of the most influential of the blog-men and launch a massive attack on them. (Evil smile) We will make their life hell… ha ha ha….

Gandalf (still shocked) : Lord Sauron… I pray before thee… Do not let this happen. This only has short term benefits.

The Guru : Even the most revered economist JM Keynes has said… “In the long run, we are all dead”… so why worry about the long-run.

Sauron : Gandalf, you have disappointed me… the need of the hour is for us to unite and be-fall this education system of men. But you are a traitor… (raising his staff)… you shall not live!!!

Gandalf (gasping): Sauron… mark my words… the blog-world will rise to the occasion and destroy your ill-wills …

The End!!

Disclaimer : Any resemblance to any character, living or dead, is purely intentional!

Ok agreed... this is quite dramatized and exaggerated and totally fictional... even quite mean at times... to some people, this may appear to be high-handed and elitist. After typing this out, when I read this post to myself, it seemed to be full of vented anguish against the students, faculty and management of a particular institute... however, that was not my intention (though I may have gone overboard) So, apologies if it rubs someone the wrong way... but I do feel strongly about whatever has been happening right now and the way the matter is being dealt with, and I hope that the message goes across in that spirit.

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