World Cup 2006 : Who d'ya support?

Finally the World Cup is here, after a sluggish week where it seemed Friday would never arrive. I have been asked time and again about the team I would be rooting for, which is an easy enough answer. But then, some have even asked me the very tricky question, Why? Now, there is no straight answer to this question. So, I am cracking my head up to figure out why I support the team that I support.

Firstly, I have a phobia against unusually large teeth (gulp!). So when I see Ronaldinho flash all his 46 teeth in a perfect smile, unlike all of you, I don’t wonder about the toothpaste he uses. And when Ronaldo opens his mouth, I don’t debate whether he would have been a rabbit or a rat in his previous life. All I can think of is the pain the protagonist in Oldboy would have had to go through if he had to extract their teeth with a hammer. He might have wished that he had picked a sledgehammer instead. This phobia rules out Brazil

I have always hated vans. Have you ever noticed that if criminals in Hindi movies had to choose a car, they would always go for the Maruti Van. Not the Merc, the BMW or the Audi… but the old Maruti Omni. The style in reaching the scene of crime in a Maruti Van, sliding open the doors of the moving van, and launching a torrent of bullets through the machine gun is just too much kick for the bollywood baddies. Plus, if they have to indulge in greater crimes like rape or molestation, it’s the most convenient. Keeping this association in mind, the flurry of ‘vans’ in the side (van Nistelrooy, van Bommel, van Persie, etc, plus the great Marco as manager) rules out Netherlands.

A team needs to be creative to win at this level. But any team which has 7 versions of Andrei’s, 5 versions of Olegs, 3 versions of Sergies, suggests nothing but a lack of creativity. Why would I support a team where Andrei passes to Andriey who drops the ball for Andrea and then Andrie scores. So, this rules out Ukraine.

I would really like to be able to spell the names of the players of the team I support. And in spite of my best efforts, I will never be able to spell the likes of Schweinsteiger, Hitzlsperger, Zuberbuhler. So Germany (and Switzerland too) is out of the question
I hate people with 3-word names. It shows that they want to complicate everything, including their names. This throws Argentina and Mexico out of the window

I am not particularly fond of teams which have good-looking players with long hair. They give me a complex (hmpf!). How can you look good AND play football well? Gross injustice! So, Italy and Spain are also not my favourites [Maybe England too… after all, they do have the ‘handsome’ Rio Ferdinand :)]

But I do (somewhat) like teams which are young at heart. So, Sweden is in, since almost every player is a ‘son’ (eg. Larsson, Svensson, Andersson, etc etc)
I also believe that the dark horses should actually be dark, and if they have funny-sounding names (like Kalou, Toure, Drogba, Eboue) then it makes it more interesting. So, Ivory Coast are my dark horses.

But most of all, I like teams with ugly, bald players. I can relate to them, and derive a sense of belonging*. So its France all the way!

*A disclaimer – This does not imply that I am bald or balding. I am blessed with very good hair (thank you), but am sure that the balding would start once I enter my forties. Ugliness, anyway, is a subjective term. If everyone found Thierry Henry, David Trezeguet & Fabian Barthez to be ugly, they wouldn’t have had such hot wives/girlfriends.

So, to sum up my stakes for the World Cup:

Team I hope would win – France
Team most likely to win - Brazil
Team I hope would not win – Brazil (the teeth are just too much)
Team I think would disappoint most – Germany
Outside chance of surprise – Sweden, Czech Republic
If not France, then – Italy, England
Dark Horses – Ivory Coast
Best Wagers – Argentina (Brazil odds are too ugly)
Final four prediction – Brazil, Argentina, France, England
Golden Boot – Thierry Henry
Players to watch out for – Kaka, Messi, Requilme, Ronaldinho, Henry
‘Wishful-Thinking’ Comeback – Zinedine Zidane

Let the show begin…

PS : Just wanted to let my readers (yeah.. both of them) know that I would be celebrating the long weekend in Cairns and would be far away from the anything as urban as the internet. If I survive, will be back on Tuesday :)