Fanaa (aha!)

[Warning – Spoilers galore]
For those who read my short 'non-spoiler' review of Fanaa, I owe you an apology. After a lot of introspection, it has finally dawned on me that this movie is an ingenious one, with loads to offer to the progress of the economy, society and mankind in general. Before you start thinking that I am just being sarcastic, let me tell you why:

1. Imprinting the movie title
In a country where scores of movies release every week, it's so easy for one to forget its title. For example, people still confuse the Hungamas and Hulchuls, the Shaadi se Pehles and Shaadi No.1s. But, Kunal Kohli devises an ingenious plan to ensure that the viewer never forgets the title. He packages it into a shayari, a very potent weapon mind you… and hits you on your head with it so many times that your brains go numb and all you can remember is 'Fanaa'. Brilliant!

2. Highlighting historical significance
This is not just limited to the tour of India Gate, Red Fort, Qutub Minar and other historical monuments. The ultimate masterstroke was a dialogue by Kajol: “Shah Jahan ne kaha hai ki dharti pe agar kahin swarg hai to wo yahin hai, yahin hai, yahin hai.” Now, you might have thought it was Jahangir who said this. So after the movie, you will definitely google about this to clear the confusion. An excellent way of using one small mistake to ensure that the common man reconnects with the history of the country. Kudos!!

3. Showing speed of technological advancement
Day 1: Aamir Khan radios his comrades and gives them his location coordinates in a ‘coded’ message. Indian Intelligence intercepts this message, but cannot locate Aamir, because the message was ‘coded’
Day 2: Kajol uses the same radio and the message is received by the same team. But, hey presto… they can now locate her. How? Through the radio frequency, silly. Yesterday it was not possible and so they had to put a code expert to decode Aamir’s message… but today it is. Shows young kids how fast technology is advancing today.

4. Social Message on birth control
Have you noticed how in Bollywood there are no condoms… never ever! And what’s more the success rate is always 100%. So if you see a song which shows the protagonists slowly getting cozy, and then the camera either hazing out or focusing on two flowers in the garden, then you definitely know what’s going to follow. Either the “Main tumhare bachche ki maa banne waali hoon” dialogue… or a fast forward into future which shows a dukhi maa raising her only child

Kohli does well to use this cliché again and give a clear message to all viewers - “Use Protection.” Amazing! And he then further emphasizes this through the role of the kid, who has an irritating way of talking and calling himself by his first name. The message-‘Think twice before having a kid; this is what you are getting into'. I know some people (read: women) found the kid’s mannerisms quite cute… but these are the same people (read: women + Karan Johar) who had tears in their eyes when the girl in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai does the namaz scene. I must admit that at this scene, even I was choked with emotion (laughter's an emotion, isn’t it?)

5. Opportunity for Contraceptive Manufacturers
Continuing from Point#4, by highlighting the absence of condoms in Hindi movies, Kohli has given a subtle message to condom companies to use this opportunity for promotion. Imagine this - 2 years from now Fanaa is screened on SET Max – Aamir coincidentally lands up at Kajol’s doorstep and finds that she has a son – Commercial Break – First Advert – Nirodh Condoms with a punchline, “Agar Nirodh istamal kiya hota to aisa nahi hota” – What impact!

6. Focusing on innovations
Example 1: There’s a blast at Red Fort and supposedly Aamir is one of the victims and his body is distorted to the extent that no one can recognize it. But hey presto… the sweater he is wearing is totally intact without any scratch. How how? Duh…because Kajol was using the latest invention in tailoring sciences – the magic wool!
Example 2: Kajol is operated upon and gets back her eyesight and what’s more, she can see completely clearly without any glasses etc, even immediately after the operation. How how? Come on… this was easy… due to the magic rosewater from the Jama Masjid… what else!
Example 3: Aamir and Kajol are traveling back in an auto, and the auto’s radio is playing the Lata Mangeshkar song ‘Lag ja gale’. They get off the auto but hey… the song continues in the background. How how? This was a sitter… it was actually Aamir’s new iPod with Bose stereos that was playing this song all the while.. fooled ya, didn’t it?

7. Showcasing Indian literary culture
Fanaa gives a sound wake-up call to the western world to shake them out of their snobbish haughtiness. The snooty British and the likes, who believe Shakespeare and Yeats to be the final word on poetry would have been shocked to see how everyday characters in India converse in poetry. In fact I could see the look of horror on the faces of a few local Aussies (who might have landed in the wrong theatre) as they read the poetic subtitles (with fitting translations). Needless to say, now that they know how even tour guides in India converse, they will take Indian literary talents more seriously

8. Education on nuclear technology
We are informed that the IKF has managed to assemble a nuclear bomb by stealing parts of it from India, Pakistan and other countries. I could almost envisage the process:
IKF terrorist sneaks in behind the security guard and says “Look, a bird” and poaches a small canister with nuke parts. The next day another one goes and says “Look an airplane” and steals the trigger.
Next day at the IKF camp – Sardar: “Trigger kahan hai”. Kaalia: “Sardar gatli ho gayi… main galti se uski daaroo ka pauvah le aaya” Sardar: “iski saza milegi…”

9. Stressing importance of healthy lifestyle
Kajol radios the intelligence team that her husband is the terrorist they are looking for. She is scared, alone and desperate, and thankfully the team can now locate her through the overnight tech. innovation. But their response is – “We will be there tomorrow.” Why tomorrow, you ask? The woman is alone and they are in the same district… then why not today? The answer is simple – Haven’t you been taught the importance of healthy living? 8 hours of sleep and breakfast are bare necessities, and Fanaa does well to stress that.

10. Glorifying RAW
Now, RAW is one intelligence unit which does not get its dues (for once I am serious). But then, Kohli uses this movie to tell people how RAW is the most superior intelligence organization. So, take this dialogue by Tabu:
“Ye wo insaan hai jisne IKF ka rukh badal diya hai… ye CIA, KGB, Mossad aur yahan tak ki RAW se bhi ek kadam aage hai” Notice the emphasis on yahan tak ki. Well done!

11. Timing of comedy scenes
Kajol calls her mother and tells her that she has just met some guy in Delhi blah blah. Mommy dear’s first question : “To kya tum usse pyaar karti ho?” I almost fell off my chair laughing!

Omygod… this is becoming really long, so I will straight jump to-
12. The most important lesson:
So what was the most important lesson that Kunal Kohli taught us?
Answer – If you dump together a few good actors, a vague concept, a good cinematographer, and a big banner, it won’t produce a good movie. Movie-making is about much more. So if you indeed want to make a film like this, you are better off making it under a Saawan Kumar Banner with Puru Raaj Kumar and Neha Dhupia. At least the audience would know what to expect. Great sacrifice performed by Kunal Kohli in getting the message across! God bless him (and us)

Fanaa (aaaargh)

No spoilers - read on!

Somehow, I never had very high expectations from Fanaa even though it starred the most choosy of stars. The promos, previews, etc never did the trick for me, and never aroused a strong desire to go watch the movie. It seemed to be a regular run-of-the-mill senti Yashraj film... And it was only the compulsive-Hindi-cinema-freak obligation that made me cave in. Well, I was not disappointed... actually, frustrated would be a more apt word!

Dont take me wrong here... I think that with some luck, Fanaa may turn out to be a hit. If movies like Raja Hindustani, Raam Teri Ganga Maili, etc can be huge superhits, then anything is possible in Indian cinema. Like every Hindi movie, Fanaa too, would appeal to a fair share of people... but unfortunately, I am not one of them.

In this age of modern slick movie-making, Fanaa takes you back some 10-15 years with unrealistic dialogues, melodramatic background music, over-dramatized scenes, predictable twists, side actors breaking into coordinated dance sequences at lip-synched ill-timed songs, horrendous horrendous make-up (what were they thinking), patchy ugly editing, numerous unacceptable scripting errors, and the worst of all -unbearable, intolerable SENTI! (whew!)

I have to resist a very strong temptation to take apart the whole storyline, and also publish a long, long list of indigestible mistakes... but I guess I will hold off for a while, in the interest of people who may not have yet seen the movie and are still planning to (God bless them!). A separate post will follow in a few days about that. So, the obvious question is - Was there anything good about the movie? Answer - Umm, well (scratching my head) ... only thing I can think of is - well, nothing!

[Update : I could not hold on to myself for much longer... so here is the detailed version of the review (with spoilers and bloopers)... I hope you enjoy it!]

Yes Minister

The Indian media is abuzz with stories on the reservation decision taken by the government today. For a long time now, this debate has been raging on between people who favour reservations and those who do not. A bit of comic relief is always welcome when there has been so much tension and heat in the air. And trust the politicians to volunteer and provide this comic relief.

The following is an excerpt from CNN-IBN’s programme Devil’s Advocate hosted by Karan Thapar and the guest is The Hon’ble Minister of Industry and Commerce, Kamal Nath

Karan Thapar: The NSSO 1999 [...] conclusively shows that the share of SCs, STs and OBCs in employment is exactly proportional to their share of the population.
Kamal Nath: […] You take one district and you say this is happening. Is it happening everywhere?
Karan Thapar: Yes these NSSO figures are nationwide.
Kamal Nath: Your figures are inaccurate.
Karan Thapar: They are not my figures, they are your figures.
Kamal Nath:That’s what you are saying.
Karan Thapar: They are the national sample survey figures 1999. They are available from the government. They are authenticated by the government. They are disseminated by the government.
Kamal Nath:That's what you are saying.
Karan Thapar: That's not what I am saying, that's what the government is saying.
Kamal Nath: That's what you are saying what the government is saying. That's not what I am saying and that's not what NSSO saying.
Karan Thapar: It seems that you don't know the NSSO figures.
Kamal Nath: It seems to me that what you read, you do not reflect in the context in which it is.
Karan Thapar: When you distrust the NSSO figures ....
Kamal Nath: I am not distrusting NSSO figures. Do you think the government is off its head? We have been winning elections.

I guess in the wake of the doctors' strike, the ministers have taken on the mantle with a sincere belief in the saying "Laughter is the best medicine". You can see the entire transcript here, and if this is not enough amusement for a day, you can catch Arjun Singh's interview here. If someone can understand our honourable minister's arguments in favour of reservations, and can enlighten me on the same, then he is an ideal Lok Sabha candidate for the UPA

Well, I am quite tempted to offer my opinion (which could run into pages and pages) on the reservation debate too. But there is no point because what needs to be said has already been said by someone or the other in the zillions of blog-posts on reservations written by thousands of bloggers in the blogosphere. Will just say that like every modern, educated, rational, progressive Indian, I am not in favour of reservations at a higher education level, simply because they do not address the root-cause of social/economic injustice and do not achieve the objectives for which they are being set. Period.

However, as a silent spectator, I have had some interesting observiations on the entire debate

1. Over the last few weeks I have received at least 3 different online petitions and I believe there are hundreds more floating around. Has the ease of electronic media actually diluted and diverged the efforts of the anti-reservation population? What purpose do these online petitions serve anyway?
   
2. If the OBCs form only 32% of the population, then this supposed 'vote-bank' politics seems to be a fallible strategy. Can the people who are against reservations (who seem to be much higher in number than their counterparts) make the government pay at the next election? Wishful thinking... it would be good if they just vote!
   
3. Should the basis of the legislation be a 75-year old report based on ancient data? But then, it's actually better than having no tangible basis
4. The most frequently used counter is that the government should first deal with primary education. Is it fair to assume then, that those very people who presented this argument will have no issues if their kids cannot get admission to a primary school of their choice because the seat needs to go to an OBC child? My guess is no
5. Has there ever been any sanity check done by the government on the benefits derived from SC/ST reservations which exist for around 50 years. If so, and if reservations were found to have actually uplifted the SC/ST population, then why has the percentage of reservations not been reduced accordingly? If they were found to have done nothing for SC/ST upliftment, then why are they still in place?

Anyways, somehow this post got diverted from where it started. So will leave you with another bit of profound humour... the subtle comic timing of this one had me applauding!

Karan Thapar: Many people say that if reservations for OBCs in higher education happen, then the children of beneficiaries should not be entitled to claim the same benefit.

Arjun Singh: Why?

Lessons on Losing

[Warning : Tthis is my third post on football in a month… but then I could not resist posting this one]

The performance of two English teams over the past week, in two different Cup finals of contrasting stature, must be taken as a case study on ‘the best ways of losing.’ On Saturday night, West Ham United were defeated by Liverpool in the FA Cup final on penalties, after a 3-3 deadlock post full time. Yesterday, a 10-man Arsenal was defeated 2-1 by Barcelona in the Champions League finals.

No one can dispute the fact that both Liverpool and Barcelona were worthy winners. But then, they were always the overwhelming favourites and were expected to win. What may not have been expected was the inspiring fight that the challengers put up. Against a superior side, against all odds (including the referee in the Arsenal match) and with limited resources, the 2 sides showed what a huge difference a big heart can make.

Yesterday’s match specifically, showed what fighting spirit is all about. In spite of being reduced to 10 men in the 17^th minute, and with most of the horrendous refereeing decisions going the other way, it was really heartening to see the Gunners put up an inspiring challenge – to see Ashley Cole fighting tooth-and-nail for every ball, to see Emmanuel Eboue breaking into attacking runs even with a man down, to see Campbell and Toure’s calmness in the midst of Barca’s relentless surges forward, to see Freddie Ljungberg determination to score a second goal.

For most part of the game it did not look like Barca were playing against a 10-man side. What Arsenal lost through a red card, they made up through their mobility and spirit… but then, they are human-beings and not supermen… with 15 minutes to go, you could see them totally tired out. If only, if only, Henry had found his regular finishing touch.

One of my friends remarked that he lost all respect for Thierry Henry after this game. But my respect for the man has doubled. Yes, he could not finish when it mattered, but his passion for the team was evident in his demeanor, in his eyes, and in his post-match outburst at the referees. It showed how much Arsenal meant to him. That is why it came as no surprise, when I read this today morning (Source: BBC)

Thierry Henry is set to end months of speculation over his future by signing a new contract at Arsenal, inspired by their Champions League final display.Henry, whose contract runs out next year, had been linked with a move to Champions League winners Barcelona.

"I hope to stay as long as I can keep running. I couldn't leave the fans. They're like family," he told The Sun. "I love Barcelona, but on Wednesday Arsenal showed they had heart. I hope to finalise details today."

Yes… Arsenal do have heart. And if you have to lose, lose with dignity and your head held up, like Arsenal yesterday and West Ham on Saturday. And in spite of his inability to beat the 'keeper yesterday, kudos to Thierry Henry for listening to his heart when it matters. Have to say... I do feel proud to be an Arsenal fan!

The Days of the Underdog

It was after Desi Train awarded Rajpal Yadav with the OzCAR Award for Best Actor, that I decided to watch Main, Meri Patni aur Woh. And when I finished the movie, I was surprised that there was little or no coverage of this movie in the Indian media. I saw articles, interviews, coverage of some of the crappiest films of the year, but none for this, which was one of the better ones.

I have to say that I have become a huge fan of Rajpal Yadav after this movie. So far, he has been playing the comic sidekick to perfection. But his portrayal of Mithilesh Shukla or Chhote Babu in this movie makes you stand up and applaud. After years and years, here was a character that brought out in you the quality of empathy. Through his acting, body language, expression, etc Yadav has ensured that the viewer gets into the mind of the character and starts relating to his thought process.

Chhote Babu is a simple man in his mid-thirties who has no desire to get married until he is forced by his family to see a girl in Bareili, who in spite of being beautiful and tall, agrees to marry him because he is a good man at heart. What follows next is a narration of the games his mind plays with him. As you see the story progress, your heart pains for Chhote Babu…you can relate to his inferiority complex, you can experience his dilemmas, you can sense his over-active mind. The character has the ability to reach out and touch you, and make you sympathize for him.

I loved this movie for the reason that it was about the underdog! It’s been a long, long time since we had movies like these, which have a non-hero, a weakling, an everyday below-average guy as a protagonist. The couple of movies which come to mind straightaway and which incidentally are some of my personal favourites are:

Katha
The movie based on the Tortoise-and-Hare fable, where Naseer plays the tortoise to perfection as Rajaram Purshottam Joshi, a weakling who lives alone in a chawl, secretly loves his neighbour’s daughter, and is a low-confidence, low-ambition clerk who is always pulled into doing favours for others.

He is the proverbial nice-guy who is overshadowed for most of the movie by his friend Vashu, the Hare, played by Farooque Sheikh. Confidence, street-smartness, smooth-talk are the hallmarks of his character. Vashu manages to con Rajaram’s boss for a job at a more senior level than his friend, and also be-dazzles Rajaram’s love interest Sandhya (played by Dipti Naval) who falls for him. However, in the end the tortoise wins against the hare.

The best part in this movie was the characterization. You could sense what Rajaram was thinking and what was going through his mind. You would be able to relate to Vashu’s motives and moves. What’s surprising is that Naseer and Farooque, who had played quite opposite roles so far in their lives manage to slip into their respective characters with uncanny ease. Amazing acting and characterization and brilliant direction by Sai Paranjpe– watch this movie if you have not watched it yet.

Chhoti Si Baat
Again, a story of a loser Arun (Amol Palekar), who is always ridiculed by colleagues, conned by one and all, and trampled over by the whole world. He loves a girl Prabha (Vidya Sinha) but has neither the confidence nor the courage to even speak to her. He is bull-dozed over by Nagesh (Asrani) who is a smooth talking confident buffoon, who manages to be-friend Prabha and does not leave any opportunity to mock or embarrass Arun, who is depressed to the limit because of this.

His savior is the love-guru, Colonel Julius Nagendranath Wilfred Singh (Ashok Kumar). He puts Arun through his structured training programme and transforms him into a completely different, smart, confident guy. What follows next is how Arun turns the tables on all the people who have conned him, ridiculed him and trampled over him, including Asrani, and how he wins the girl of his life.

Again, watch this movie for the brilliant portrayal of everyday-life characters, the simplicity of the story-line and narration and the ability of the characters to strike a chord with you, the viewer. One of Basu Da’s brilliant works!

Some other movies like Chashme Baddoor, Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron, etc showcase the protagonist(s) as the underdog and are masterpieces in themselves… but they cannot evoke the same kind of empathy as the 3 movies mentioned above.

When it comes to Hindi cinema, gone are the days of the underdog… the days when directors like Hrishikesh Mukherjee, Sai Paranjpe, Basu Chatterjee used to take simple everyday lives and turn them into entertaining movies. But with Main, Meri Patni…, there is a flicker of hope. We need more from people like Chandan Arora, and less from people like Karan Johar, Sanjay Gupta and Subhash Ghai.

Goodbye Highbury

This is a post which only a few would be able to relate to. It's to wish a good bye to Arsenal's home-ground Highbury. Its only a few hours to go before Arsenal take position on the field (against Wigan) for the last time in Highbury, to end a 93 year old legacy. One of the best and well-maintained pitches in the football world will then be history for the gunners, as Arsenal move to a new ground- the Emirates Stadium which will be able to host an additional 30-40K fans.

Well, I remember that the first live premiership match that I saw on TV was at Highbury in the 1997-98 season (when they started showing EPL on ESPN), and I instantly fell in love with the team. This was the year that Arsenal won the double, beating Newcastle in the FA Cup final with Marc Overmars scoring a memorable goal.

Most people would not be able to understand this, but all Arsenal fans will defintely miss the green turf, the low angle cameras for the coverage, the shadows in a day game, and of course the cheering and merry-making that always accompanies an Arsenal goal. It will be an emotional farewell, especially for Wenger and his boys, for whom Highbury has been synonymous to home.

The best tribute that Arsenal can pay to Highbury is by winning it big against Wigan and making it a memorable affair for all the fans. However, the biggest present can come only from West Ham, who by beating or holding Tottenham tonight can ensure that Arsenal earn the pass to the Champions League. I have never cared about the Hammers ever... but will be supporting them in full force tonight!

Here is hoping that Highury does get the fitting farewell that it so richly deserves...

Update : A perfect goodbye... 4-2 win, with Henry scoring a hattrick, and West-Ham beating the Spurs 2-1. People talk about their favourite moments at Highbury... for me, one of the best moments at Highbury was yesterday, when Thierry Henry kneeled down and kissed the turf after scoring his hat-trick.

Working Out? I use the TV instead!

"I am burning 400 more calories than you, in a single day", said a friend of mine with a lot of pride and enthusiasm. What's more, he was even equipped with a calorie consumption chart by activity, from his fitness center, which showed that his newly initiated hour-long fitness regime helps him consume 400 extra cals of energy. He had a passion in his voice and a sense of achievement in his demeanor.

It was the chart, however, which interested me more... It showed that an average guy would consume 75 Cal/hour even while sleeping, 120 Cal/hr while watching TV or sitting idle, and 200 Cal/hr while doing office work, and 250 cal/hr while regular walking. Thats when my mind immediately started to tick! The detail-oriented accountant in me suddenly took over with a vengeance, since he doesn't get too many opportunities to display his utility anyways.

So I said "You sleep 8 hours, while I sleep 5, so I spend 135 Calories more than you there itself. Also, I spend at least a couple of hours more at work than you do, so I spend an extra 160 Calories there. So straightaway, I consume 295 more calories than you. And let us assume that even if I am sitting idle and watching TV while you are sweating it out in the gym, you burn an extra 280 Calories only. So in essence, you have joined this fitness program so that you can burn 15 calories less than I already do with my leisurly lifestyle"

For a second, there was no response. Then there was an attempt, which was withdrawn at the last moment. Finally a retort came "I cannot help it if you are a bloody insomniac, and not my fault if you spend a little more time at work." I could only smile (evil one that is) and say "I guess you should increase the work-out time to 2 hours now"

Somehow I had forgotten how much I loved putting people in a spot, and proving them wrong. A reminder like this always helps :) And a great man had once said "If you are convinced totally, on what path needs to be taken, justifying it will never be a problem". It has not been a problem for me so far, once I convinced myself after a fair trial that gymming, fitness training, and exercising is not a path I want to take.